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08 December 2016 @ 02:47 am

traded mails w my mom a bit. her life is basically worse than mine at this point so i feel bad for her actually, though it's her own fault. she never got a degree or any kind of real further education (trade school etc), only ever dug herself deeper and deeper into debt, dated my abusive  stepdad for 10+ years and put him above all her kids and relatives.

anyway, turns out her remaining relatives have gone batshit and turned ino hoarders now too (they weren't before), & she hasn't had a job in at least 2 months, & my older sister who's always been an idiot is like refusing to get a job, lives with her bf in a camping trailer that my mom bought for them. but the place they have the trailer at has no electricity so can't tstay there in winter so the 3 were in mom's place which is a 1-room apartment in someone's basement. and they were basically doing absolutely nothing to try and get themselves out so my mom's given up on them now. and like not even being grateful tha she helped them. i know my sis has done drugs for a long time so it's probably that.

but now i was thinking like well ok, if i end up being in that kind of position in the future i can hire my mom at some point so she won't die as a hobo
07 December 2016 @ 03:29 am

so lately i'm on a mad rush to memorize ALL the words in the 3rd semester textbook before that 3rd semester begins, because having memorized words ahead has helped me SO much this semester. there's 15 chapters, with about 200 things to memorize each chapter (only 100 individual words/phrases, but i have to memorize both the kanji and pronunciation so it ends up as 200). 3rd semester begins in the second week of january, so i have 5-6 weeks to get it all done.... in the past few days i've actually ended up memorizing 1 chapter in just 1-2 days each time, so if i keep this up i'll have memorized all the vocabulary in that book in just one month (and before december's even over!).

i don't know what they use in 4th semester, if there's any textbook at all. so i'll have to ask... otherwise i'll just read -real japanese- and grab words from there. anyway, i can't recommend studying ahead enough. just ask the teacher what textbook will be used in such-and-such classes and go for it.

i've also started making mental lists of things i want to do when i get to go to japan.... the problem is, i really just want to -be in japan-. it's not like i have anything REALLY specific in mind because i'll just take anything i can get. so i'm trying to think like, okay, i want to hear some live koto music or something but all my ideas seem so... small. i'll probably hear live koto music on ACCIDENT, you know?

anyway, i'm feeling pretty warm inside... school's going way better than i thought it could possibly go while living in this house, and i'm just thinking like, maybe when i go to japan the guys there will be shocked "what? you've only been studying for x years? but so-and-so has been studying twice as long as you and is worse!" and i'll make a good name for our school here in sweden... lol. i think it would be great if more advanced students could have skype sessions with advanced english learners from japan, as extracurricular conversation sessions, because right now it's like, okay, i'm speaking bad japanese with a bunch of other people who don't even know how to correct me... at the same time it would be pretty scary.

OH YEAH!!!! i looked up the financial stuff for when going to japan. turns out they really don't give a shit, as long as you claim you have someone who'll pay for you if things go wrong they'll let you in. and they don't even care about the bank balance of that person (they just -probably- have to prove that they have jobs), and they never ask you about it again past the first time. so people are saying if you apply for a 6-month VISA for school and prove you have the money at that time, when you go to renew the visa for the second half of the year you don't have to prove anything! so i'm relieved now, we can just get the student loan and claim my wife's parents will help us (which they can't possibly, actually, but y'know). before i was worried that BOTH me and my wife would have to be getting like 13,000 USD in the bank to prove we could pay for the year or something.

04 December 2016 @ 07:29 am
basically someone said "you don't know the REAL japan, i've lived in tons of countries and japan's the worst for foreigners!" so i was like, why not, i'll go research and see if anything's changed from last time i read about this.

read a ton of forum posts, watched documentaries. nope. the problems foreigners have in japan are exactly the same, or much less than, what exists in other countries. the people complaining are all normal white people who've never been a minority or outcast (or immigrant) before, or second-generation immigrants and stuff who by the way have problems in basically every country. the japanese people are on the whole AMAZINGLY nice.

the biggest complaint is that "it's lonely being in japan", wtf does this mean? there's a billion clubs and places to make friends at —— oh, they mean they want a BOYFRIEND. pretty sure you'd get that problem in a place that wasn't japan as well.

so now i'm really stoked. i don't think living there will be a problem at ALL, even people who had zero intention of actually moving there discovered they were super happy. i'm doing pretty well in class as usual, the grammar's slowly requiring less thought and i'm getting less and less afraid of just -using- it. there's not much left in the grammar left to learn, after that it's just phrases and vocabulary and fine-tuning.
03 December 2016 @ 01:53 am

omg people are so stupid. literally any time i talk about ex. studying abroad they go "yes but remember it's YOUR effort, if you don't try to fit in or learn the language blah blah..." yes, i think i know this, i've been living abroad since i was 18 and you can read all about it on my freaking blog profile (not on LJ but the site this took place on).

this came from me saying i want to go to a school with few foreigners, my top choice only has like 20 each year and 80 at absolute max. they were like "20 or 2000 foreigners, it doesn't matter". yes it does, it's a big difference if you're surrounded by them and/or everyone's used to them or using english with them. the more foreigners, the easier it is to end up "with them" in your own little clique (whether you want to or not) and spend all your time complaining about the country & speaking english instead of having a blast on your exchange & learning tons of japanese...

02 December 2016 @ 07:31 am

another year almost gone. i've got to step up my diet - can't EVER eat things that i'll probably get "sick" of, at least not until i'm out of this house. my body/mind clearly can't handle both the mental stress of this place and eating even very slightly processed food, and now because i ate some i basically went sleep deprived for almost a week, showed up to class all 3 days in the week with no sleep, made tons of mistakes and pissed off a classmate really badly, and generally FEEL MENTALLY LIKE SHIT. have to stop going "it's probably ok", and start going "i never want to feel sad/upset/angry ever again in my life".

i don't think i can make any other new year's resolutions. i want to do so much but all my plans fail because my mental (or monetary) state is so bad...

30 November 2016 @ 04:00 pm

when the teacher heard i wanted to go abroad to sendai today she said she'd pressure the head of the department to pick me because she thinks i'm a good student!!


someone linked me to a page (by chance) for foreigners who want to study abroad, and it said even while only working 28 hours a week (=what studen its are restricted to) your living costs will still be covered; a high monthly cost estimate (drinking on weekends etc included) for someone living in a shared apartment in tokyo was 117 000 yen whereas a minimum-wage job would make 119 000, AND they said someone whose part-time job is tutoring a foreign language would make TWICE that much! so even if my wife can' find work for some reason, if i  get a job tuttoring english we'll be fine!!!!

it's gonna fucking happen!!!!!!!!!!!! now my only obstacle is figuring out the money situation for the school permit: do they need the living-cost money upfront (as iceland did) or do they even care if i have it? because a student loan gives me money on a monthly basis, i can't get it ahead of time as far as i know so i'd have to get another loan.

18 November 2016 @ 11:49 pm
told my family about the potential study abroad in japan. dunno what they'll say exactly but i'm pretty sure if i don't do it, the degree will take another 4 years instead of another 2, and a $13,000 USD loan is fine with me if it saves 2 years of sanity and potentially gets me and my wife job experience.

oh and i'll try crowdfunding to help cut the costs as well.

well, comp battery's dying. time to go study. pokemon moon's really helping my japanese, 'm taking photos whenever grammar i'm currently learning comes up.
16 November 2016 @ 09:46 pm
keyboard is more broken than ever before, it's so bad i'm mostly using this computer just for reading. i'm borrowing my wife's smartphone to do flashcard stuff instead of doing it on the computer now.

i'm applying to study abroad in japan, there’s 3 potential schools:

1. Miyagi University of Education (in Sendai — this is the one I want to go to)
2. Kansai Gaidai University (Hirakata)
3. Kanda University of International Studies (Chiba)

i’d exchange for a year, starting autumn 2017. which school i’ll get into, or if i get into any at all, i don’t know yet. if i don’t get accepted i’ll just apply again. to afford going i'll get a student loan, beg for money on gofundme & (as always) try to finish books; but writing books/lessons is a huge problem with my keyboard issues.

i emailed the head of the japanese department because the class list/credit equivalents that i need for the exchange application is missing. i also need to get a swedish passport (rules are slightly different for americans versus swedes in japan so swedish seems better), will have to take extra passport photos + get a health certificate and stuff if i get past the first acceptance round.

at this point i've basically given up, i HAVE to get out of this house even if it means taking a loan like this. i'm staying up every night far past midnight just so i can study in peace and quiet. theoretically i'll be able to find work in japan while i'm there (same for my wife) so we'll get work experience, even if not then our japanese will be good enough to be professional translators by the time we come back and we'll be able to earn money somehow even if it's on our own.

1st semester there were around 200 students in japanese; now we're in the second half of the 2nd semester and there's only 25. around 5 of those already live in japan.
28 October 2016 @ 12:41 pm
passed my exam no problem, but i still have homework. i'm just so spent... the parents are being EXTREMELY irritating and extreme assholes, worse than usual, because some relatives are coming over for like a week. it's their own damn fault they haven't cleaned the house in 20 years, we constantly complain to them about it and they give a billion excuses, now suddenly they CAN clean (somewhat) because "someone else is coming over for more than an hour". and they still blame the house being messy on us, as if 99% of the crap in the hous wasn't theirs. and now they're doing that shit again where they constantly roll up the blinds and open the curtains, and have plugged in "festive" lights, so my eyes hurt from all the light even WITH sunglasses on, fuck you.

in other news, we're going to get another meeting with social services in about a month, and i have a meeting at the unemployment office next week. i had to go to the eyedoctor and get them to write me a referral to this handicap-place, they're supposed to give me a meeting and test me further to see what kinds of daily-life tools i can/should get, then they're supposed to refer me back to the unemployment office so i can get the real, special help disabled people get.

but all this takes MONTHS in-between meetings! so like, i signed up at the normal unemployment office 4-5 months ago and still haven't gotten into the handicap office yet. i dunno what the heck they can possibly say at this meeting next week, they're supposed to talk to me -with- someone from the handicap-place but like i said, i haven't even been there yet so??

anyway, my wife's started learning esperanto for real, as in she made a twitter and tweets from time to time and asks me how to say stuff. she said if i retranslate "the legend of sleepy hollow" she'll read it, because she likes the story but when i glanced at it it was using really weird/rare words and in general was not exactly wording things in the simplest manner. so i've been slooowly working on that when i'm too tired to really think. since all i do is take their translation (from gutenberg), compare it to the original english text (also from gutenberg) and change it, i don't have to think so much and it goes pretty fast. when i'm done i'll just sell it. i'll also turn it into kanji practice and sell that too. then i'll turn the original english story into kanji practice based off the esperanto one and sell that. and hopefully make some amount of money.

ALSO I REALLY WANT POKEMON SUN/MOON!! i've been playing the free demo and watching the trailers, it looks soooooo fun. it costs like $60 USD or something though so i can't afford it. then i realized, i can make SMALL goals like this. make something where i can possibly earn $60 from it just so i can buy this game, then find a new goal, do that over and over, soon i'll be making $600 and $6000 because everything i make will get... "rolling customers". like, selling PDFs is something that has no cost on my end and will keep earning me random money. i've been focusing on the big picture ("must earn $6,000") which, i now realize, is completely wrong and demotivating. it's what my wife's been trying to tell me all this time but it didn't click until i thought of it myself purely for getting money for this pokemon game (without thinking that i'd keep earning money from it after the game was bought)....
24 October 2016 @ 04:38 am
i'm not worried about the exam itself (even if i do badly i can't be so bad that i fail) BUT i'm STILL having groupwork problems. so, the one girl left our group, then the second had some kind of mental breakdown and isn't able to work right now. she's planning on working but we have like 5 group assignments to do, everything MUST be done in a week from now and i've heard almost nothing from her in the past 2 days.

my plan is:

monday (today, after i've slept - it's 4:30 right now) — do my grammar take-home test, write all the scripts for our groupwork, get my wife to check my teacher's feedback on all my forum posts so i know i didn't fail any (i hate reading feedback, it freaks me out), catch up on memrise (200+ reviews await me). glance over what i wrote for my final essay and review all the grammar/kanji we learnt over the class. and after all that i can record my parts for the groupwork, then i push my partner to record hers. hopefully i can do it all in one day.

— tuesday, take my final exam. finish up that other stuff if i didn't manage to finish it all.

then i have 2 weeks until the next class starts, which means i'll be:
— finishing that first japanese lesson + reading practice
— finishing that game translation
— studying vocabulary for class ahead of time
— preparing tons of extra study materials (ebooks with translation notes etc) because once class starts i won't have time again
— cleaning my room
— better go to social services again whether we get that eye paper or not

all this time i'd been thinking i could do half-time studies next semester. apparently that's not the case, because the course you -need- to take is ONLY offered inside a full-time "course package". you can't take it individually (thus being half-time) despite that you can take the other 2 included courses individually. i think i might have to email them asking what's up...