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08 January 2017 @ 08:08 pm
1. write one drabble (or more) per month
2. study all remaining kanji (via that one site) before possible exchange starts
3. finish writing a book to get money
4. clean room + computer more frequently
5. learn nålbindning
13 February 2017 @ 01:45 pm
got a cane for blind people and the disability office taught me how to use it… mixed feelings. on the one hand, i can actually look around me instead of at the ground when i walk, and people will actually assume i see badly (those 2 points are the reason why people even have canes); on the other hand i feel like i'm "really a blind person" now... i already feel a bit more confident/like a normal person (i can look at the scenery while i walk! i'm basically seeing town for the first time!) while at the same time i know exactly what people are thinking when they see a guy in sunglasses and a white cane....

they’re giving me polarized, tinted lenses with special frames for free but i can’t get prescription contacts (too much astigmatism), and untinted glasses i have to pay for myself for some reason. my wife can be registered as my sight help and then she can ride the bus for free with me. i have the right to own a seeing-eye dog OR a normal dog that i train in some way to help me, and if so they’ll give me “special dog” disability money; too bad i can’t own a dog in my current house.

also i’ll be getting normal disability money (it’s not unemployment money but the minimum amount you can get is around $120 USD per month). i’m going back next week and will ask about “proof that i see badly for school” among other things... i dunno, it's just like, why did no one ever tell me i needed a cane until now at age 24...
07 February 2017 @ 07:40 am
japanese uni i most want to do the exchange with announced they're offering ONE full 1-year scholarship (via the japanese government) to our uni, as in out of the 3 people who can do the exchange in the first place 1 can get $1000 USD a month to pay for all their living expenses.

the chance of me being selected to go on exchange is rare (a reasonable assumption is that 30 people might apply, though it's probably closer to 20), and of course even if i do get selected i have a 1 in 3 chance of getting the scholarship. even if i'm good at japanese compared to my classmates, my grades aren't impressive (mostly because i kept turning in homework late due to never having quiet time at home) so them picking me relies on them knowing my personality & stuff. i don't know if my school choses the winner and the japanese government just accepts that automatically, or if there's a second level to the selection process.

BUT. 1/10 is still a really high chance for going abroad to my top choice and 1/3 is a super high chance for getting the scholarship just by default. so of course i'm applying.

in other news, holy hell why didn't i start eating natto earlier!! it's yet another food that's improving my memory (i notice because i review hundreds of vocab words each day) and fixing my sleep. i haven't had ANY nightmares after starting to eat it, in fact my dreams have all turned into nice, REASSURING ones. like "all your problems are solved!" dreams every night. oh and it seems to be improving my skin just like the homemade milk kefir does.

about japanese:
now i can understand 70-90% of all japanese texts on average; manga, nonfiction novels and newspaper articles included. on very rare occasions with short texts i get 100%. i'm having huge fucking troubles studying because my wife's sisters are incredibly annoying (yesterday one broke down in tears because - get this - i left our laundry in the washing machine when we went to town for 3 hours and "she wanted to wash her laundry"), but they're FINALLY, after staying here for 4 months, going home around the 20th.
29 January 2017 @ 02:12 am
(haven't written any clear spoilers in this post)

watched that new BBC sherlock season.
i didn't think it was good. it started out okay but most of it was bordering on cringeworthy. loooooots of logic gaps, lots of REALLY unrealistic dialogue/speaking manners, tons of time-wasting to fill in the gaps because they couldn't think of a plot, and that kind of stuff. the "twist" in the last episode was what i assumed from the very beginning of the ep, and throughout the eps (last one especially) it all felt so stupid so i figured that amount of transparency was intended - anyway the whole season focused way more on CHARACTER RELATIONSHIPS and DRAMA than cases. the whole thing of solving cases was just thrown out the window, we don't know how or why anything happened basically, things were just magically solved in the end.

the problem is, i don't wanna watch a drama show with crimes on the side, i wanna watch sherlock solving crimes (with drama on the side being permissible).

like my wife put it. "moriarty in drag? lestrad needing to say the words on the phone? would have been so much better."

frankly their "genius" this time didn't even seem like a genius. their "killers" seemed uninteresting, like a lot less thought was put into them this time. they sort of had plotholes everywhere and tried to wrap the whole season up in a rug to close it off. AND they REALLY tried to push the "straight" stuff with a few gay jokes just like, thrown in randomly and awkwardly. there were a LOOOOT of loose ends every episode in general.

i don't know what went on behind the scenes but it feels like someone else was mostly in charge of directing/writing these eps. i didn't really feel so much love for "sherlock" this time around. all that money going into this show, all the help they can hire and research they can do, and.... yeah... i basically came out of this season with "moriarty's gay and annoying, and everything else is stupid".
17 January 2017 @ 01:28 pm
i found out that two of our upperclassmen (they just finished japanese III, which i'm just starting now) are going on exchange for a year to the school (in sendai) i want to go to most, starting in march... that school only lets in 3 exchange students per year so maybe there will be no room for me (who'd go in autumn), i don't know when the "year" restarts... there's still 2 other schools i could get accepted to but one of them only lets us come for a single semester, sigh. i'll just keep hoping i can go anyway...

now i've been thinking that if i can't go on exchange i'll take my student loan money and live in japan for 3 months (the tourist maximum) anyway, then i can just apply to do the exchange when it opens again as planned...

i know i shouldn't get my hopes up for stuff like this (realistically speaking it's a small chance i'll get to go to my top choice) but i just feel like... c'mon, let me be a little luckier, i'm working my ass off studying for this, please just let me be accepted...!!

on that note, i don't know when i'll be told if i'm accepted or not at all. i'm assuming in february or march i'll know if i've passed the first round.
14 January 2017 @ 11:26 am
man... class just finished like last week and yet on monday class will start again... school is hell. i've been doing a TON of studying, i've almost studied 2 semesters' worth of vocabulary & grammar in 1 month. as usual i just need to get so far ahead that no matter what happens, i can't fail.

so, wife's grandma is dying in the hospital (been diabetic, obese & depressed for like 50 years, has big memory problems etc & now finally fell down one too many times - tore a ligament so she can't ever move her arm again, has internal bleeding and blood poisoning now). as in, she just had an operation yesterday but we're all assuming she'll die like today. to be honest i don't really care, she definitely brought it upon herself and she also raised all her kids in a way that made them severely messed up. and she never did anything with her life - her whole life for the past few decades was apparently just eating candy, watching TV and not talking.

no, what worries me is how my wife's mom's going to act after grandma dies. she's already insane but now there's two ways this can go, one being that she gets so depressed she actually calms down and stops yelling at us etc all the time, or starts trying to treat us better because she suddenly realizes the value of life, or starts getting her affairs in order (actually putting money into the bank, sorting out her will etc) because she actually realizes she'll die someday too. the other option being that she just gets worse and becomes absolutely, completely unbearable.

and it's not just the mom. my wife's sisters and dad are just as fucked up and annoying. the dad in particular is being meaner and meaner, and more forgetful, every day. i know i always say this but jesus, how far can someone go? if they get more messed up from the grandma's death...

like, you shouldn't have this feeling. hearing that someone's going to die, your first (and, well, all) thoughts shouldn't be "oh shit, how are their relatives going to treat me afterwards?".

anyway, i'm so poor all the time, spending $30 on personal-wish goods gives like a huge luxury feeling... (i got some christmas/new year's money from my dad so i bought some tree-sap gum, and tea). everyone's talking about that new game console, the nintendo switch or whatever - doesn't seem so great to me but how many years will it be before i can afford that kind of thing anyway, lol.
10 January 2017 @ 07:14 am
forgot how much of this i've already said. passed my final exam; now i'm officially a 2nd-year in my 3-year japanese degree. i've been studying the textbook ahead of time as much as i can, class starts next week (i think) and we'll be on chapter 1; i'm currently on ch 12 and hope to be done with all 15 before the first day of class. i'm spendiing all day studying, as in, as far as humanly possible.

to keep motivation up i cut everything into chunks: study 5 words (via memrise, a flashcard software thing), read 1 manga or fanfiction/book page, study 5 words. reviewing is 10 words instead of 5 and i review as soon as words pop up for review, that way i don't have like 5,000 to do when i wake up each morning.

my japanese is improving REALLY fast. after all 15 chapters of this book i'm just gonna read japanese manga like crazy since it won't be so difficult anymore. it's making me really happy, finally my childhood dream is in sight! and it seems like a REALLY REALLY good choice to study abroad after having finished this book (3 semesters) instead of just 2 semesters so i'm not upset about that either.

the one problem i'm having is, you guessed it, the other people in my house. they simply don't know how to be quiet. my wife's sisters have been staying over for months so it's not even quiet when the parents are at work. so again i'm staying up at night to study, sleeping in the daytime... but when the grocery store closes at like 22-23 you can't be a real night owl.

other than that i've gotten super into gintama and've started writing fic for it, started looking at and writing a textbook for greenlandic too (but that's on hold until i'm done with all 15 textbook chapters)
29 December 2016 @ 09:34 pm
long story short i've started learning greenlandic in order to write a textbook for it that will get me money (i know, i know.... yet another textbook idea). the language is -easy-, except for the fact that ALL the lessons for it are for crazy linguists, or people who actually already know greenlandic, and/or are in danish or german (99% danish - no actual english textbooks exist for example) AND the dictionaries are utter shit. like, "-ssaa-" means future tense, but even if you see this in a billion words you can't look it up because dictionaries don't list it. it's like having "bookstorekeeper" in the dictionary but not "book, store, keep, -er" by themselvse. "-qar-" means "has, exists" but because its original form is "qaq" (q changes to r when before certain sounds) you can't find qar anywhere in the dictionary because you're only supposed to know the original form. oh and the dictionaries are just shit in general.

so while the entire "grammar" part of the book is only going to span like 10 pages, i'm having a hell of a time finding out stuff as simple and necessary as how do you say "i hit myself" versus "i hit him", among other things. the only actual good book meant for non-linguists is  in german which i can't read but have to get  my wife's help with (she knows some german at least), otherwise i'm just cobbling together tons of bad danish resources...

anyway the grammar's seriously almost done,i just have a few kinks to work out like if what they mean by "towards" is actually ONLY towards, or if it means "to" as well... it's surprising how unclear even linguists can be on this shit
12 December 2016 @ 04:42 pm
well my goal is to finish memorizing words from this japanese textbook before january; currently just got to chapter 7 out of 15. ate some too-processed food again (cheese for pizza - thought i was safe, wondered if it was the kefir instead, but my wife also felt bad from the cheese and didn't have any kefir) and surprise-surprise, have only done 4 levels so far today in memrise and can't concentrate on anything. yesterday i did 12 levels AND got caught up on all my homework but if i can't get things in gear by tonight i'll be late on an assignment...

going to aim for 8 levels today as a "light" day then. there's 20 items, usually corresponding to 10 full words (sound+meaning+kanji) per level.

watching old documentaries about japan. 1950's-60's real-life japan, and even stuff japan was broadcasting for entertainment, is literally every anime ever. 1940's american propaganda films about how you should hate japan were actually projecting: literally everything they said was very clearly applicable to the USA (especially today), but in the case of japan was 90% lies even at the time. stuff like"they want world takeover" "they just want to conquer lands for resources" "they believe their gods protect them" "kids are trained from an early age to worship the military" "poor citizens barely have enough to eat and think military rations are fantastic" and they even managed to like, insult the fact that japanese people were all physically fit at the time and tried to make normal daily aerobics for kids (=gym class) seem like early-age military practice...

the US teaches everyone to worship the military (veteran's day, etc - which like no other country has). conquers lands for resources, obviously. has "in god we trust" printed on its freaking MONEY and also has it in the daily "i pledge to the flag" brainwashing. obviously 70% of america is dirt-poor and eating trash (plain rice and fish would be more nutritious!). the list goes on.
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08 December 2016 @ 02:47 am

traded mails w my mom a bit. her life is basically worse than mine at this point so i feel bad for her actually, though it's her own fault. she never got a degree or any kind of real further education (trade school etc), only ever dug herself deeper and deeper into debt, dated my abusive  stepdad for 10+ years and put him above all her kids and relatives.

anyway, turns out her remaining relatives have gone batshit and turned ino hoarders now too (they weren't before), & she hasn't had a job in at least 2 months, & my older sister who's always been an idiot is like refusing to get a job, lives with her bf in a camping trailer that my mom bought for them. but the place they have the trailer at has no electricity so can't tstay there in winter so the 3 were in mom's place which is a 1-room apartment in someone's basement. and they were basically doing absolutely nothing to try and get themselves out so my mom's given up on them now. and like not even being grateful tha she helped them. i know my sis has done drugs for a long time so it's probably that.

but now i was thinking like well ok, if i end up being in that kind of position in the future i can hire my mom at some point so she won't die as a hobo